i wasn't expecting company

i grew up watching blazing saddles. thirty years after its release, it is still goddamn hilarious. i read that harvey korman died today, and for no other reason than nostalgia for my childhood, i regret his passing. it's a selfish feeling because i know that my sorrow at his death is only indicative of all the memories and bodies and materials that i associate with my life that will one day crumble to nothing to feed the soil or a greater meme.

so thanks for the laughs, harvey korman

i got off work at six o'c

well, steen got to work. i got busy standing around, looking at manuals, and unsuccessfully trying to absorb as much as i could about the process. this is what i now know about putting together a pc:

power supply first. this is fairly easy. we had to remove and re-attach the fan on the ceiling of the case to get in my 650w power supply, but nothing a racoon or monkey couldn't figure out.

then the motherboard. we had to line up the screws, thread in special little motherboard screws, and mount that beautiful piece of circuitry ass. by the way, my motherboard is not only wireless, but can also be used as an access point like a router. i just peed myself a tiny bit

the 64-bit, 3.2ghz, dual core cpu went in next with its fan mounted right on top of it.

i think after that we put in the drives; my hard drive and the dvd/cd drive.

then we affixed the video and sound cards. kickass.

the four gigs of ram went into two of the four ram slots after that. i was dancing around my living room at this point.

this is where it gets a little hazy in my living room and in my memory. we had to connect everything to the motherboard, and some things had to be connected to each other. there were plugs with tiny pins that fit into other plugs, many cables, a couple extra plates with usb and firewire connections, hyper-insulated cords and more. i know that this is likely the most critical minutiae of the assembly process, but i picked up as much as i could.

then came my gorgeous 22" flat screen monitor, which was directed to my video card.

last of the hardware was my keyboard. backlit, ergonomic, but nothing too flashy.

we fired that puppy up. lights blinked, bios got dealt with, and my pirated copy of windows xp got installed.

steen left the house around ten-thirty while i was still downloading and installing drivers for the various components. by midnight i had equipped my pretty new friend with firefox, an open source antivirus, adobe, nero and a couple games. by one in the morning i felt pretty much done. my case is huge and silver and sleek, the monitor working perfectly with nary a dead pixel to be found. i don't have a desk, only a table in the corner, but i couldn't be happier.

when i go home i still need to download:

vlc media player
winamp
utorrent
peer guardian

i realize this is not interesting or entertaining for most people. but for a fledgling computer nerd like myself, yesterday was an exciting and fascinating day. i owe my friend steen bigfat favors for lending me his time and expertise in putting together my beautiful new beast. i was almost tearful this morning as i left for work, seeing it sitting there, neglected. i will get a picture today and post it, if for no other reason than i like remembering it being new and whipass.

i'm sunk in today. outside is one of those impossible days, beautiful in sun and shade, just enough breeze to make it work.

i'm looking forward to the end of the term. the town loses what feels like a quarter of the population, mostly 18 to 25 year-olds. and then the others start drifting into town; it's usually in the name of the country fair, but it feels like a migration if you watch them all at once. the streets are fuller, not with college folk, but cyclists and travelers and fairbots and pedestrians and me. as much shit as i have talked and will talk concerning horoscopes, galactic birthdays, free hugs and fucking tie-dye, i am kind of into it. regardless of my holy jihad against drums circles now and forever, i love the stupid culture that comes with it. for every stinky, lazy-dredded motherfucker i want to beat senseless with a didgeridoo, there are two i smile at for being thoughtful and kind.

the summer is upon us and the hippie harvest is beginning to produce fruit. all kindsa fruits.

i'm ready

"Everyone gets to make one big mistake
And if you're waitin' on me
Well, I guess you're gonna have to wait
'Cause I'm savin' mine up for a very, very special day
When I can fuck it all up in the most spectacular way"

man, i heart tim fite. i'm off to workkkkkkk

"i did sesame street from '69 to '74, motherfucker! i'm a baaaaad man!"

that's what a man said to me today at the bar. and he said it without one iota of sarcasm or self-consciousness. it was awesome.

occasionally i forget that one of the primary functions of being a bartender is to provide a sounding board for patrons. i forget by inserting myself into conversations sometimes when, more often than not, they just want a safe place to unload a few of their troubles. without overly romanticizing my position, i must say i enjoy the ebb and flow of lunacy and normalcy that is stacked at my feet because i'm standing behind a bar.

the days have been packed full of life. i can't sum it all up, but here's a try:

overwhelming joy at the little things that mean so much
intense feelings of panic and helplessness as i watch my dear friend
hot, wordless tears streaming down my face in the dark
the pragmatism that saves me from my own sense of self-importance
the long hours filling my time, absolving my self-flagellations
thoughts of losing what was never mine feeling like i'm leaning into the wind
love and fear and hurt and joy and sleep and satisfaction
missing those that are still and always so far away

it's been a good week, though long. my feet howl at their abuse and my heart scratches at my ribcage. the summer is almost here, bringing more changes than the season. it's after three in the morning and i just got home from work. the show tonight was simply awesome; the music, the people and the night itself. i scored 106 points on a scrabble word and it made me giddy. all i had to eat today was two cups of tomato basil soup and two stout helpings of whisky. i am erratic and unhinged and i don't feel the need to be otherwise. when this life is done i will consider myself lucky beyond measure.

i can't talk

at least not anything above a scratchy, whispery, cracking squeak. my voice hovered around the raspy, cigarette-smokey, somewhat sexy phase for a couple days before dive-bombing into unintelligible forced squawkery sometime today. i don't even really feel sick anymore, though symptoms of said immune system assault have been plaguing me for at least two weeks now. my fever is gone, i don't feel as sluggish, my sinuses are far better than they were. i really feel like i'm recuperating except for the voicelessness.

it's been a brutal couple of weeks as far as my body goes. i called in sick to one of my jobs for two shifts in a row with a completely fictitious illness maybe a day or two before the real one hit. i ended up working from ten in the morning until two-thirty at night on a friday right in the middle of it all. which also happened to be the busiest day we've seen yet at the bar. the money's good, my health is not. my lungs are still stiff and cultivating their long-fed garden of hate for me, my voice is completely unrecognizable, and there's that other ache that i feel just as acutely, if not as painfully. you know the one. or maybe you don't.

i'm going to bed no later than one tonight. i have conversations growing in my head which need to be watered, fed and pruned before they become unmanageable. i have circuitry buzzing through my halls, carrying excitement and promises. i have a great many things to think about and look forward to. if only i could verbalize this without frustration and exhaustion.

i reallyreally do.

i'm too fucking sick, though. i smoked part of one this morning and almost dislodged a lung.

the demi-nap was nice, the rest of the day has been a right pain in my ass

there is snow on the ground on april twentieth in eugene, oregon.

the gods of frolic and agriculture are angry with you, hippies.

sometimes riding the bus makes me want to gouge out my eyes and pan-fry my ears; anything to stop my senses from registering the terrible, droning, banal flesh golems who keep stealing my air and thoughts. seriously, i just listened to the worst storyteller in the world tactlessly shuffle through twenty minutes of stories about golf courses and golfing, most of it taking place in the eighties.

that's what i have to say about public transit today. i generally find it invaluable and a real, earthy cross-section of us, the peasants and lunatics. but not today. today i could have done without.

i am also coming off of a twelve hour day, not the first this week. my feet are screaming and my mind is humming an unfamiliar tune. festivities await, though my festivus is sorta clogged right now and could probably use a cleaning.